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My very best friend Robin [Snyder Anderson] called me and told me she had terminal leukemia and that they thought that maybe she might last 3 months. So without a doubt, it was the absolute high and low of success. I never got to enjoy Bella Donna at all because my friend was dying, something went out that day, something left.
She died and they took the baby, and it was like he was 3 months premature,
and it was horrible, it was such an upsetting situation ~ you know ~ everyone
was just so devastated and there was this little premature baby, and I just went
crazy |
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It's the only friendship that I've ever had or... well, I'm not going to say ever will have. We just started out together at 15 years old. She kind of walked me through life. And, as I questioned would there be life after Fleetwood Mac, I certainly questioned would there be life after Robin. Then I found that there is life after Robin, except that it's not the same, not near as special. There's a spirit gone, and that's why I'm really dedicated to this leukemia [benefit]. That's why I will do anything I have to do to make as much money to get rid of this disease as I can because I would really never want anyone to experience losing someone as beautiful as her in this horrible way.
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When Bella Donna came out, Fleetwood Mac was at the top of their game.
It was the most incredible time. But then my best friend, Robin, was diagnosed
with leukemia and that overshadowed everything. I really didn't get to enjoy Bella
Donna. I found out that Robin was dying on the same day it went No. 1. I never
really thought about it until now, but that's what happened. That should've been
a time when I was the most happy and felt the most self-confident and successful.
But actually, I really felt the most helpless, because all the money in the world
couldn't save this woman's life. It was a very sad, yet balancing, thing for me. |
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I was on the road when Robin died. I didn't even have the time, or the luxury,
to sit around and be sad about her death. |
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And I haven't seen Kim, nor have I seen Matthew, since that day. I suppose
that Matthew will find me when he's ready. I mean, I am, really, next to Robin,
his mommy. But Kim and I can't deal with each other at all. So when the baby's
old enough, I have all of his mother's things, and I have her life on film for
14, 15 years. I have us on tape singing, I have a beautiful book that I wrote
the year that she died. . . . I have a roomful of stuff for him. I have his mother
to give back to him when he's ready. |
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I was insane, uh when I married Kim because ~ we were both insane. Um, losing
Robin was about the most devastating thing that ever happened to me and certainly
the most devastating thing that ever happened to him. And I'd known her since
she was 13 and he'd only known her for 6 years. So, uh, she'd been my Rock of
Gibraltar for as long as I could remember. |
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I thought it was my mission to take care of this baby, but it wasn't my mission
to marry this man. |
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I had got used to going into in [to the nursery] and finding the cradle
rocking without anyone being there and I always knew that it was Robin, but on
this occasion it wasn't rocking, nor the next day either, and that was when I
realized she had finally left. Somehow I know she was telling me, 'You'd better
get out of this right now. Kim will take good care of Matthew, but this is not
what God meant for you, Stevie.' |
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One of these days, when he [Robin's son, Matthew] gets old enough ~
he's about 12 now ~ I will see him…and give him all of his mother's things
that I have. So I'll be able to give him back Robin ~ her laughter and her smiles
~ because I have the incredible definitive photographs and writings and pictures.
And the experiences that she and I had that I can tell him about. |
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She just been
in my life since I was 14. She was the one person that knew me for the person
I really was and not for the famous Stevie, and it was good to have someone who
knew the real you besides just your mom and dad.
She [Robin]
taught me how to sing. She taught me how to use my voice. She made very
sure before she left this planet that I was all right, that my voice was all right.
I don't have problems with my voice now, but I did and it took us years to fix
it. Robin was one of those people [who] when she walked in the room
everybody looked. She was breathtaking, and that's why it's so wild that
she could possibly have died. It just doesn't make any sense at all.
I've
been thinking about this a lot lately. How unfortunate it was that it all had
to happen at the same time. People ask, 'Wasn't it incredible when Belladonna
was No. 1 and sold 3 million albums?' Yeah, it was totally wonderful except that
I was watching one thing go up while I was watching another thing go down. It
was really, really hard.
I married
Robin's husband [Kim Anderson] because . . . Robin was one of the few
women who ever got leukemia and then got pregnant. And they had to take the baby
[named Matthew] at six and a half months, and then she died two days later.
And when she died, I went crazy. I just went insane. And so did her husband. And
we were the only two that could really understand the depth of the grief that
we were going through. And I was determined to take care of that baby, so I said
to Kim, 'I don't know, I guess we should just get married.' And so we got married
three months after she died, and it was a terrible, terrible mistake. We didn't
get married because we were in love, we got married because we were grieving and
it was the only way that we could feel like we were doing anything. And we got
divorced three months later.
And
uh, nobody could understand our grief. Nobody could understand how deep
it went. And I would, uh I mean I would just come downstairs in my house and lay
on the floor ~ in the middle of the floor ~ and just scream or cry ~ or... or,
and just beat my fists against.... I just couldn't believe it, it just ~ it was
the worst thing that had ever happened to me in my life. And the only person that
could comfort me at all was Kim; and the only person that could comfort him was
me. And for him, I was so like Robin, when she died... I think a little part of
him almost thought I was her reincarnate.
I was so devastated
that I thought I was gonna die with her. I really did. It was hard for me to come
back from the fact that I knew I wouldn't see Matthew again for many years. And
so I moved to the beach. I moved to the beach for spiritual solace, for sanctuary.
And it helped. For me to go out and just sit on a blanket and take my tape recorder
and a pad of paper and a pencil and just look at the ocean and write. And give
her up, you know? And, you know, if anything like that ever happens to me again,
I'll probably move right back to the beach. Either that, or I'll go home to the
desert. Because those two places are my strongholds.
